7/19/2008 - AFS as a Way of Life

I don’t think I can find any possible way to describe how AFS and my overseas experience has changed and touched my life. From the time I was born, to the day I pass, my life has been and will be blessed by amazing people and experiences, all due to AFS.

My grandparents hosted two students when my father was growing up—a Chilean named Pachi, and a Japanese fellow named Hideo. For my grandfather to host a Japanese man in his home just a few short years after he had been tasked with trying to in WWII was a feat I have never really wrapped my brain around.

My parents were set on hosting, and waited until they thought my sister and I were ready. Nothing could have prepared us for “The Italian Stallion” Marcello, a wonderful person who I am proud to call my brother. After we finished with one and sent them tearfully on their way, we tended to take in another. Hugue from Belgium, Yvonne from Switzerland, Patrik from Sweden, Ismail from Egypt, Anja from Finland and Siri from Norway. They are all my brothers and sisters, as are many others who came and stayed and went back home again, after they left their mark on our psyche and our hearts. We even hosted a second generation, as Hideo’s daughter came to live with my parents, in order to go to college.

As I had so much contact with AFS and students from around the world, I naturally wanted to participate in the program. My sister had gone on a “Congress Bundestag” full-scholarship program to Germany, and I applied to go too, thinking that free was a very good price. I encouraged my girlfriend at the time to apply as well. Funny thing how fate works. She was accepted, and went, to Germany. I was the first alternate, and did not get to go. The following year I applied to the normal AFS program, and left the application blank where it asked what country I would prefer. I only knew that I had met so many people from so many places that I was incapable of making such a momentous decision at such a young age.

It turns out I was awarded one of the hardest placements at the time (along with Tunisia): Indonesia. There are more difficult placements now, as the Eastern Block has opened up, as has the African continent. When I received my placement papers, I had to go find the country on the map. Not an auspicious start. By the time I was ready to leave, I knew how to say, “Terima Kasih” (thank you), “Dimana kamar kecil” (where’s the bathroom) and “Saya lapar” (I’m hungry). Another shaky start.

The experience and knowledge that I gained my my year in Indonesia was incalculable. How else would I have found that I had the courage to ride a bicycle in Jakarta traffic, or eat a Durian or to ride a Metro Mini/Bajaj/Microlet? I fully embraced the people, the language, the culture and the full flavor of the experience. Soccer in the (concrete) schoolyard, the warungs (sidewalk stands), my school (SMA 82 DAHA), Blok M (before it was a mall), Senayan (before it too, was a mall), trips to Bandung and Padang. Everything that happened, good or bad, I digested and processed, eager for more. Those of you who know me also know that along with falling in love with the country & culture of Indonesia, I also fell in love with a particular person as well.

The funny part of that relationship was that her father was the person who had persuaded my host family to host an AFS student! So, despite his adamant rejection of me as a person his oldest daughter should be involved with, he was, in fact, the person who had caused fate to bring us together. We “backstreet” dated for a good part of my AFS year, and parted with many tears at the end of the year. Many letters and phone calls (no internet or e-mail yet!!) were our only connection. We still have the boxes of letters stored in our house. After almost five long years of being apart, we managed to change her father’s mind (and my dad’s as well), and were married.

So every day, and every night, my wife of 16 years Efti and my two beautiful boys Calvin (13) & Cameron (10), remind me of my AFS ties, and how important they are in defining who I am. Without AFS I would not be who I am today. When people tell you that your AFS experience will be truly life-changing: believe them. It will change who you are, for the better, forever.

-Rustam Kocher
AFS Returnee
USA to Indonesia 88-89

Married to

-Efti Kocher (Pattisahusiwa)
AFS Returnee
Summer Program Indonesia to USA 1986